Distractions.. didn't work as well as they should've

PW outing today. Zing.

And sorry, I just couldn't bring myself to do it, when you asked. Too much is going on now. I don't wanna hurt you, so please let me clear my thoughts first.

I hope you understand.

And if I don't get the chance to blog tmr night, happy new year.

we survived the end of the world

Merry Christmas! :)

'Kamsahamida'

Arrived in Korea!! Hotel only has wifi in the lobby so me and dad are sitting at the lobby weirdly using the wifi xD

Rewatched 'This Means War' on the plane!! Super funny and really nice. Had quite a great revelation that I have yet to reveal to anyone :o

When we landed we went straight to a theme park LOL. So crazy considering the long flight and lack of sleep.. I felt like it was evening when we arrived in Korea =.=

Anyway the theme park was not bad, sat a crazy rollercoaster which was so steep my scream was caught in my throat. Saw super cool bears that just stood up and walked next to our bus! And had our hot foot bath in the open just now. Feet feeling quite shiok now ahhh ^^

Babies and toddlers in winter wear are literally the cutest things ever. They just looks like balls.

P/s: Accidentally saw the stars from the plane against the night sky. It was such an incredible sight I wanted to cry.

Don't look like they're fading

She must be one of the luckiest girls around, to have been loved by you. Even now.

Feeling stupid cause I know it ain't no you and me

break, and burn, and end

Sometimes I don't know whether to talk about my every days, or my every nights. So I avoid blogging altogether.

My every days are different, and my every nights always end up the same.

always the third

AGAIN.

Seriously? Like mannnn I think I waited long enough. Maybe I should just start accepting the fact that you are never going to move on, and nothing will ever ever happen between us.

Poof

Side note: A levels ended today. Felt pretty bad about the last paper, like I could have done more, but didn't.

Oh, and watched Life Of Pi too. An eye-opener.

to be bobby then you have to be bobby now

Ankle I beg you please heal please heal please please please :((( I'm feeling so damn depressed that I can't run. :(

And The Fault In Our Stars was perhaps the best book ever. I welled up at almost every other page.

moments of impact

"How do you look at the woman you love, and tell yourself that it's time to walk away?"

― Leo, The Vow

Have never been one for the numbin'

Spent almost the whole day highing over MarcusButlerTV ^^

And when night falls, shit happens again. As usual.

GAHHH I shall just go and sleep now.

ain't nobody's fault

Gosh you guys.. Just fuck off

rock me

It's one of those nights.

One of those times when I think of all the immense pain you put me through. When I find out something new or read something you posted; when my heart hurts so damn bad I can literally feel it. When I can't focus on anything and waste one whole day just thinking and over-thinking; and when I give up and cry myself to sleep.

This emotional pain is so raw, and a thousand times worse than any physical pain I've felt. But I'm careful though; I never ever let anyone know. I never ever let anyone see me in that state.

All this while I try to bury any feelings, try to pretend like nothing happened- something you are so good at. But it doesn't fucking work. They creep back in and haunt me, tempting me to fall back into the black hole like how they have done many times now.

And every single time I don't resist.

It's one of those nights.

instead

Guess she gave you things, I couldn't give to you

Twisted

Question to self: What the hell were you thinking?? Saying those things, doing those things.. Only to get that type of response, only to be in this rubbish state right now.

It still aches just thinking about it.

Regrets, I've had a few

"It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you."

― John Green, The Fault In Our Stars

 

time after time

It's been almost a month now, but you still have the ability to just crush me. Entirely.

I really fucking hate you sometimes.

And then I hate myself, for letting you do this to me.

When I was finally burying it

'Everyday man.'

What are you doing to me..

You know I'll fight my corner

Dammit I didn't wanna wake up from my second dream!!!!!!! One of the best dreams ever even though I can't really remember a lot of the details. But I knew we went for 3 rounds of car racing..

And you were with me!!

I really tried to distance myself from you a lil last night, tried to just treat you as a friend. Cause I don't wanna get myself hurt again.

I don't think it worked.


And it's been awhile but I still feel the same

lie

可以哭却选择笑　不想让他太骄傲
鼓励自己去觉得他不值得　如果有必要

Finer things

Chem was such a troll bleh BUT I'm never gonna slack like that and chiong last minute again zzzzzz terrible feeling.

Though talking to neighbour was such an unexpected experience! Somehow when I'm with him I feel so secure :o

He's serving me drinks

One big fat cup of disappointment and heartbreak right when I wake up.

Enough is enough, seriously. Gotta stop with my nonsense.

Gotta stop with my wishful thinking

Patiently waiting

I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

12

What a terrible paper :( didn't even feel like I was taking the A levels!

But whatever, GP's over now. Time to eat lunch. And take a nap.

What a pig :P

even as a friend

They said that even when Cancers say "I'm done", they will always end up trying again.

How true.

It kinda broke my heart this morning when I found out how miserable you've been feeling. How I wished I could have asked you to go study months ago so that you wouldn't feel so worried now. How I wished I could have hugged you tight, and tell you that it's gonna be alright, when you were at one of the lowest points in your life. How I wish.. I could have done more.

But I couldn't, because I know it is not my place to do so. And even if I could, I know that it wouldn't help as much as if she was the one who did so.

Whatever I've done definitely isn't enough, but I can only hope that it has made the least bit of difference.

I'll always be here for you.

She's your muse

Last night, I still dreamt about you.

Guess the feelings were never gone

History.. repeats

Never thought I would say this, but

REGRET LIKE FKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK omg I'm such a bloody idiot dammit dammit dammit

And I can't tell anyone who would actually understand :(((((

One from the past

Had a nightmare from 7.06 to 7.27am. 26 minutes.. Didn't feel so short in the dream!!

Moral of nightmare: don't try to catch butterflies, if not a humongous red plastic toy centipede will come alive and bite you.

MUAHAHAHAHA see? I already told you not to catch that butterfly

Decouplin'

Decided to chill out at home today, because I'm finally moving on to the memorizing subjects. The small blue slip of bio paper is still empty ._.

Looks like I'm too chill now, been wasting my day awayyyyy. And now when I'm finally starting work, I develop a massive headache. Thanks brain, thanks a lot.

Things are getting better.. without you

Edit: just realised it's now November! Happy November! :)

M

Long time no see, man! That short encounter with you outside the pigeon hole brightened my day more than I expected it to.

I really like that you are so fuss-free; everything is so simple with you. :)

It's what I really need right now. No drama.

Bond

Note to self: STAY AWAY STAY AWAY STAY AWAY

Argh.

Perfect drowning device

So early and I'm already feeling the fatigue kicking in. Plus I woke up so late!

Maths is so brain-draining. :(

YAY

Just one minute after I posted the previous post and you replied me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHA IM ALL SMILES NOW I HAD NO IDEA HOW LIBERATED I WILL FEEL OH MY GOODNESS.

Thought you weren't gonna reply me.. But I'm so utterly glad that you did.

Thank u so much. Friends forever. :)

Atoning for sins

So.. I may have been too impulsive last night.

But at least tell me you would rather talk about it after As or something. Not replying me at all is absolute torture.

Then again, I guess I deserve it.

Without you

Fresh wounds.. Hurt the most. I just never knew it was gonna hurt so much.

I'm trying my best right now to forget about it, to not think about it, to just focus on work, but every single thing just reminds me of you.

The worst thing is when you don't even know it.

But it's empty

Finally, for once after so long, I had a dreamless sleep. Must have been really emotionally drained.

I wake up and it hurts me to realise that there is nothing left, no hope for me to hold on to. Absolutely nothing. After investing so much for so long, this is it.

I don't even know what to feel right now.

The first step

But I just can't hate you man. If anything, I respect you even more.

Whatever.. As long as you're happier this way. :) wish you nothing but the best.

We're all fools

What the hell did you think you were doing?! Whoever said you could play with someone like that, to let her slip in so deep when you knew she was never in the picture all along?

I know you are hurting too, but that doesn't give you the bloody right to hurt somebody else.

FUCK YOU

Incomparable

but sometimes it hurts instead

Colorfire

Just wanna see you happy; to see that smile on your face.

Even if I'm not the reason for it

all you

SO BLOODY TIRED MIND KEEPS DRIFTING CAN'T CONCENTRATE ARGHHHHHHH

BOOYA

9 days to As and I choose to come back here now?! For 2 years I didn't post a single thing and suddenly I have this urge to do so at this time.

The things I do to get away from studying..

Speaking of which, I SHOULD STOP WHINING AND JUST GET DOWN TO IT. Ugh. Disgusted at myself.