to be bobby then you have to be bobby now

Ankle I beg you please heal please heal please please please :((( I'm feeling so damn depressed that I can't run. :(

And The Fault In Our Stars was perhaps the best book ever. I welled up at almost every other page.

moments of impact

"How do you look at the woman you love, and tell yourself that it's time to walk away?"

― Leo, The Vow

Have never been one for the numbin'

Spent almost the whole day highing over MarcusButlerTV ^^

And when night falls, shit happens again. As usual.

GAHHH I shall just go and sleep now.

ain't nobody's fault

Gosh you guys.. Just fuck off

rock me

It's one of those nights.

One of those times when I think of all the immense pain you put me through. When I find out something new or read something you posted; when my heart hurts so damn bad I can literally feel it. When I can't focus on anything and waste one whole day just thinking and over-thinking; and when I give up and cry myself to sleep.

This emotional pain is so raw, and a thousand times worse than any physical pain I've felt. But I'm careful though; I never ever let anyone know. I never ever let anyone see me in that state.

All this while I try to bury any feelings, try to pretend like nothing happened- something you are so good at. But it doesn't fucking work. They creep back in and haunt me, tempting me to fall back into the black hole like how they have done many times now.

And every single time I don't resist.

It's one of those nights.

instead

Guess she gave you things, I couldn't give to you

Twisted

Question to self: What the hell were you thinking?? Saying those things, doing those things.. Only to get that type of response, only to be in this rubbish state right now.

It still aches just thinking about it.

Regrets, I've had a few

"It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you."

― John Green, The Fault In Our Stars

 

time after time

It's been almost a month now, but you still have the ability to just crush me. Entirely.

I really fucking hate you sometimes.

And then I hate myself, for letting you do this to me.

When I was finally burying it

'Everyday man.'

What are you doing to me..

You know I'll fight my corner

Dammit I didn't wanna wake up from my second dream!!!!!!! One of the best dreams ever even though I can't really remember a lot of the details. But I knew we went for 3 rounds of car racing..

And you were with me!!

I really tried to distance myself from you a lil last night, tried to just treat you as a friend. Cause I don't wanna get myself hurt again.

I don't think it worked.


And it's been awhile but I still feel the same

lie

可以哭却选择笑　不想让他太骄傲
鼓励自己去觉得他不值得　如果有必要

Finer things

Chem was such a troll bleh BUT I'm never gonna slack like that and chiong last minute again zzzzzz terrible feeling.

Though talking to neighbour was such an unexpected experience! Somehow when I'm with him I feel so secure :o

He's serving me drinks

One big fat cup of disappointment and heartbreak right when I wake up.

Enough is enough, seriously. Gotta stop with my nonsense.

Gotta stop with my wishful thinking

Patiently waiting

I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

12

What a terrible paper :( didn't even feel like I was taking the A levels!

But whatever, GP's over now. Time to eat lunch. And take a nap.

What a pig :P

even as a friend

They said that even when Cancers say "I'm done", they will always end up trying again.

How true.

It kinda broke my heart this morning when I found out how miserable you've been feeling. How I wished I could have asked you to go study months ago so that you wouldn't feel so worried now. How I wished I could have hugged you tight, and tell you that it's gonna be alright, when you were at one of the lowest points in your life. How I wish.. I could have done more.

But I couldn't, because I know it is not my place to do so. And even if I could, I know that it wouldn't help as much as if she was the one who did so.

Whatever I've done definitely isn't enough, but I can only hope that it has made the least bit of difference.

I'll always be here for you.

She's your muse

Last night, I still dreamt about you.

Guess the feelings were never gone

History.. repeats

Never thought I would say this, but

REGRET LIKE FKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK omg I'm such a bloody idiot dammit dammit dammit

And I can't tell anyone who would actually understand :(((((

One from the past

Had a nightmare from 7.06 to 7.27am. 26 minutes.. Didn't feel so short in the dream!!

Moral of nightmare: don't try to catch butterflies, if not a humongous red plastic toy centipede will come alive and bite you.

MUAHAHAHAHA see? I already told you not to catch that butterfly

Decouplin'

Decided to chill out at home today, because I'm finally moving on to the memorizing subjects. The small blue slip of bio paper is still empty ._.

Looks like I'm too chill now, been wasting my day awayyyyy. And now when I'm finally starting work, I develop a massive headache. Thanks brain, thanks a lot.

Things are getting better.. without you

Edit: just realised it's now November! Happy November! :)