.

100th post.

gonna be quite a long one, i guess.
i wouldnt be surprised if u actually stopped reading it halfway and just closed the window or something.
cause i have no idea what im gonna write.
i'll just let my fingers do the stuff.

---

i am so pissed at my mom.
i was just doing my work
outside in the living room
my mom was using the comp
i have no idea why,
cause normally she uses her laptop.

and so she was doing some stuff.
and when i walked into the room
i saw her reading.
my blog.

and i guess
for one, she didnt know i was in the room until after a few seconds
since i dont exactly bang myself around the house when i walk
and for two, she was so noob in using the comp that she wasnt familiar in using the mouse
so she tried to close the window as quickly as she could
like how i would when i was caught surfing the net or something when i wasnt supposed to.
unfortunately,
she wasnt as quick as she wanted to be.
ha.

she was so busted
and she knew it.

there were many times when my dad asked to read my blog.
i told him no, and i had my reasons for not giving him the url.
he didnt exactly force me
so i knew he had no clue what my blog was about
and also,
if he knew, he would definitely scold me or something
LOL

so i assumed that my mom didnt know about my blog as well.
and there she was, reading it
like butter wouldnt melt in her mouth.

okay,
i dont really know the meaning of this phrase
but i dont know what else to use to describe it either.
it was just..
she was reading it, thinking it was right,
y'know?

her goddamned thoughts were so wrong.
i dont know how long she has been reading my blog
as in, how many weeks, or even months already.
i suspected quite long ago
when that time i mentioned in my blog that i forgot to bring my tuition homework cause i was rushing.

i told nobody else.

and after one day or something,
my mom was like,
"that day u forgot to bring ur tuition homework, next time dont so forgetful."

i was trying to recall if i told her anything.
i know i didn't.
so i asked,
"did u read my blog?"

and she pretty much laughed,
some fake one which people use to cover up something
and said,
"you dont even want to give us the url, how i read ur blog?"

she said it so convincing then,
i was so darn fooled,
thinking maybe i said something about my tuition homework sometime and forgot about it.

i dont know how come she knew my new url as well.
she had probably chanced upon it
but i guess my refusal for giving her the url didnt exactly stop her from continuing to read it.

and after she was caught just now
she still tried to butter up to me.
(i dont know why i keep using the word butter.
maybe im hungry,
i dont know.)

she was like,
asking questions,
as in, making-herself-look-noob kind of questions.
to make me feel better.
example, "how to transfer this file to the desktop arh? i do, cannot seem to work leh."

i ignored her
and went to continue doing my work.
im gonna remain cold to her
and try to sleep it off or something
maybe
just maybe
i wont be so mad at her anymore.

then after i had done my work
i went into her room
and asked,
"whose blog were u reading just now?"

i guess she wasnt prepared
and she just stuttered around
and said,
"oh.. kor's ajc's friend the blog"

i can recognise my blogskin anywhere.
with that little pink tagboard.

i hate people lying to me.

i know i lie sometimes too.
but i dont really care
i know its double standards.
but i dont really give a shit either.

thats why i say,
sucks to be me.

---

got my new specs today.

i bet u wouldnt even see the difference
although there is one.

---

there are some pieces of clothes
i want to buy.

my mom doesnt want to buy it for me
typical.
im used to buying things myself.

it aint really cheap
but i have got the money to get 'em.

i dont know whats stopping me from buying
its just
im not entirely sure if its worth the money
i really like them, though.

one of my excuses to myself would probably be,
"i have no time"
i know this excuse sucks
cause i have been trained from young,
that you always have time to do what you want to do,
and no time for what u dont want to.

---

im reading this book
Memoirs of Teenage Amnesiac
its about this 17 year old girl who slipped and fell and knocked her head on the stairs
and pretty much forgot everything that happened after she was 12.

another one of those books
not shallow.
real deep.
does your head in.
not advisable if you dont read much
(but i do read much)
yet so intriguing.

seriously,
you should go read it.

what i like about it,
it gets me thinking.

---

i want to start writing a book
a novel
ive tried
yet always failed.

maybe i shouldnt set my sights so far and high

maybe i should just start writing a childrens book

maybe i should just concentrate on not failing my lang arts

or maybe
im a lazy person
who doesnt bother expanding time.

---

i wonder why they even bother censoring the vulgarities in songs.

---

i actually did some work today.
if it was the term-1-me,
i am sure i wouldnt have done anything.
and probably rush it all tomoro morning.

but i guess i am not the term-1-me anymore.

im the me that got back my progress report
felt so disappointed in myself
with an extra factor of another,
her.

decided to buck up
sucked at it

thought about her
and how she was so darn hardworking even though she didnt seem so smart
and how she has so many commitments and hence making her so busy, yet completes her work so quickly without copying from others
and how she scored so fantastic results and everything
and how its so obvious she an all-rounder with super good time management
and how she was so pretty, so unique, so popular
and how everyone likes her
and how she was just so.. nice.

how she was just the opposite of me.

after thinking about her,
i got down in doing my work.
it was a start.

im not sure if its healthy
comparing myself with her.
ive told my mom ten thousand times not to compare me with anyone else
yet..

well.
maybe it is healthy
shes like, an incentive, for me to work harder.
for me to actually stop slacking around

but maybe it isnt healthy afterall
'cos i realise
she's causing me to feel
like both of us are in a deep black hole
we are trying to get out
and shes standing on top of me
stepping in my face
no matter how hard i struggle to climb out
shes always on top of me
pushing me down

yet, shes so.. nice.

im crying.

---

im wondering how come imeem doesnt have the song i want
and even when i try to upload it,
they tell me that the internet explorer cannot open this page.

---

it took me more than one hour to post all these.

i didnt even know, and i was so surprised
i had so many things i had to get off my chest.
like all these things were suffocating me
stopping me from breathing.

and all these things
i dont think they are even half of everything.

---

screw my life.
im trying, with hell, to get out of it.