26 April 2009 @ 12:14 am
Bed 127
Today was quite a draining day. In more ways than one.
I just went to visit my great grand dad at the nursing home. And he was a bag of bones. A tube was inserted up his nose to feed him, since his whole set of teeth are gone. He's 100 this year, I believe. It's a miracle that he can still recognize and acknowledge his daughter, my grandmother; as well as his grandchildren, my dad and uncle. He is no longer able to move his lips to articulate his words in Teochew, instead he mumbles, occasionally, but I can see from my grandma's eyes that she understands him perfectly.
He is propped up in a 30 degree incline, knees bent, close to his body or what is left of it. His knee cap can clearly be seen through browned and flaky skin, the flesh on his legs nearly non-existent. His arms, frail, are bound to each side of the bed to prevent him from pulling out the tube that is in his nose. His face, sunken, displays a very prominent cheekbone. His eyes connect to each and every one of us who look him in the eye, and I wonder what he would like to say. He tries to smile as my grandma introduces each of his great grand children to him, to try and jolt a jiggle of a memory from previous visits.
It is feeding time. The nurse beckons us to leave the room, for reasons better left unsaid. We bid goodbye, and he looks like he is, too. Though there might not be an emotion surging through more strongly in him than now. He does not have much time left.
Bed 127
Name : Tan Ger Tian
Race : Chinese
Religion : Taoism
For the first time I understood why it was necessary to indicate the religion.
I just went to visit my great grand dad at the nursing home. And he was a bag of bones. A tube was inserted up his nose to feed him, since his whole set of teeth are gone. He's 100 this year, I believe. It's a miracle that he can still recognize and acknowledge his daughter, my grandmother; as well as his grandchildren, my dad and uncle. He is no longer able to move his lips to articulate his words in Teochew, instead he mumbles, occasionally, but I can see from my grandma's eyes that she understands him perfectly.
He is propped up in a 30 degree incline, knees bent, close to his body or what is left of it. His knee cap can clearly be seen through browned and flaky skin, the flesh on his legs nearly non-existent. His arms, frail, are bound to each side of the bed to prevent him from pulling out the tube that is in his nose. His face, sunken, displays a very prominent cheekbone. His eyes connect to each and every one of us who look him in the eye, and I wonder what he would like to say. He tries to smile as my grandma introduces each of his great grand children to him, to try and jolt a jiggle of a memory from previous visits.
It is feeding time. The nurse beckons us to leave the room, for reasons better left unsaid. We bid goodbye, and he looks like he is, too. Though there might not be an emotion surging through more strongly in him than now. He does not have much time left.
Bed 127
Name : Tan Ger Tian
Race : Chinese
Religion : Taoism
For the first time I understood why it was necessary to indicate the religion.
I thought I could have handled that visit to the nursing home. But he's in a very bad condition now, compared to the previous times I saw him.
Yes, I don't deny I'm scared.
And I'm tired of being scared.
But still, it was good to at least see how he was doing (not so good, apparently). And we took pictures. But it's not for the whole world to see.
I remember the moments when I looked into his eyes. It felt full of emotions, yet he couldn't express them through talking. I would have liked to hear what he had to say. I would have liked to find out more about him, be his friend. I really would, but I couldn't.
I wonder how my grandparents felt, looking at their dad/dad-in-law, knowing. Knowing yet there's nothing they could do. That's the most frightening part.
I wonder how my dad and uncle felt, looking at their grandfather, helpless.
I wonder if they were scared.
I wonder if my great-grandfather, he himself, was scared.
Maybe we were all scared. Were we?
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